Updates Galore

It's been a while since my last post, but I've been keeping busy.

A Recap:

-The date with Heidi seemed to go well. We met at a not too pretentious wine bar and talked for a while before stopping at a diner for some food. When we parted, I didn't go for a kiss, but instead did one of those one-armed hugs. I thought the date went well, but that's debatable.

-Later that weekend, I figured I'd ask both Heidi and Dana on dates for the week. I got voicemail each time, which wasn't a big deal. I just asked if they wanted to get dinner/drink/etc on said night and to call back. At least one will call back in response to a date, right? Wrong. I still haven't heard back from either.

-Just before Thanksgiving, a coworker asked how online dating was going. I explained to her my lack of dates, so she posited that I'm not asking out enough girls. So given access to my account, my friend proceeded to send the same two sentence email to about 20 girls asking to meet for coffee

-Oddly enough, following a Flosstrodamus show on Black Wednesday (my favorite drinking holiday), I made out with a friend's friend at Debonair. Yes, we were all that drunk, and it's been quite a while since I've done that. The girl, Kayla, is pretty good looking, but we both don't know each other at all. So I'm reserving judgment until we go on a date.



Of the girls my friend asked out for me, I've gone on dates with three so far. One was pretty nice, but I wasn't really feeling it. The other, Mary, seems pretty cool. Our date lasted over 3 hrs, but was good conversation the whole time. I hope she didn't get bored, though. She seemed to have a good time, though, so we switched numbers and I asked her to get dinner Friday. So we're going to do that, which I look forward to.

The third girl was pretty cool, but I think I'd rather just be friends with her.

So that's where I'm sitting now. Tonight I'm getting coffee with Kayla. I'm avoiding drinking, because the last time we drank I ended up staying over. The main thing I'm worried about is if she doesn't realize that we might not be attracted to each other.

Am I Making a Mistake?

"I immediately regret this decision." or Do I?


Today I called Heidi. It had been over a week since I last called, and I'm attracted to her enough that I wanted to see what would happen.

Now in reference to my last post, you may think "I thought you deleted her number." Well, kind of. I deleted the contact, but there were still some text messages lingering around. So like the sap I am, I dug through the history to find her number.

Heidi answered, and after I gave an awkward sounding "So...How've you been?" she said that she got in a fight with a friend; Hence, no volunteering appearance. I think she was trying to insinuate that's why she didn't call back for 10 days also. Heidi threw in a quick "I was actually thinking about you today, and about calling to get a drink." I'm not sure how true this is. Could she just be asking me because she knew that's exactly what I was calling for?

So we're going to grab a drink on Thursday. I'm hoping that I'm wrong about her, and Heidi had a good reason not to call back. I won't find out until then, I guess. I just know that I definitely won't be trying to kiss her this time.

What do you think? Should I just meet up with her this once, but try to forget about her because she should have gotten back to me? Or should I give it a chance with a girl I have feelings for?

Compatibility

Lately, I've been having a hard time meeting a girl who I'm compatible with. Concerning the girls I've taken on dates, either there wasn't much chemistry, or I was blindsided by their non-interest (Heidi).

I've probably gone on more dates in the last month than I have for my entire life (quick check: True). So this is a bit more rejection than I'm used to. Now I get the feeling that no matter how much I may have in common with someone, I'll still just be viewed as their Platonic friend.

For instance, my roommate had a good female friend visit for the weekend. Coincidentally, she has the same name as Heidi, so she'll be Heidi2. I didn't end up going out at night with them, but the three of us did some hanging out in the apartment. I understand that there's no formula for true compatibility, but our common interests ranged from the broad (surfing & photography) to the obscure (fans of Le Tigre and the Modern Lovers). No matter what, I can't picture Heidi2 thinking of me more than some goofy friend. Granted, this is a broad generalization, but it gets difficult when it's not question of compatibility, but it's something I'm doing.

In addition to the recent complaining, I decided to start deleting all the numbers of girls who've stopped calling me back. There went Sevilla, Heidi, Dana, and others. At least I won't send any embarrassing late night texts.
I was hoping Dana would come through, but it doesn't look like it'll happen. After calling twice with no response, she sent over a text message asking my weekend plans. I mentioned that my friend Rob was having a party and said she and her sister could come if they wanted. She said, "Sure," and that she would call. Didn't happen, though the party was still a good time. So now that I don't have her number, I can't appear too pathetic by bothering her. She has mine, so if she wants, she can make the call.

In other news, I watched the move The Brothers Bloom this weekend (on DVD). It stars Adrien Brody, Mark Ruffalo, and Rachel Weisz. It's about two brothers who are con men, and Weisz is the latest/last mark. I don't think the movie got a lot of press this last year because it's another indie flick, but it was really enjoyable. If you're bored roaming around the video store or on Netflix, check that one out.


So what do you think about this whole business of deleting numbers from your phone? Do you think it's necessary or juvenile? I'm not sure at times, and I think I've had to get people's phone numbers a second time. Usually I make up some excuse like I got a new phone. Holding back on contacting people can be hard.


Oh yeah, I saw the Walkmen (a sweet rock band) at Lincoln Hall on Friday. Easily the best sounding venue I've been to so far. The show was great, as I went with Kumar and Jay. Too bad it's located in the cesspool that is Lincoln Park...

2 Days?

Over the weekend, I didn't hear from Heidi at all even though I called her on both days. Usually I would think that would be too much, but she typically returned my calls on the same day. I had just asked a friend how long she thought I should let a phone call go unreturned. She said two days. That's it? Is that the general concensus? It just seems so short. I was just beginning to like this girl and now I get to find out that she's not interested in me. Is this how dating is supposed to be? I've gone one two dates with the last few girls I've met and now they've fallen off the radar.

That leaves one left.
I don't think I ever wrote about it, but a few months ago I went to a friend's birthday party/drinkathon. Near the end of the party I chatted up a short girl with big bangs. I'll call her Dana. Unfortunately I drank too much and forgot to ask for her number, or so I thought.
Over the weekend, I added her on Facebook (yeah, I know), and asked if she'd want to meet up some time. No response. Not a huge deal, just another pretty cute girl.
Then comes last weekend when I got a call from the birthday friend (Kyle) telling me to go to a party in my neighborhood.
Well what do you know? It's Dana's apartment. And it's a Tom Selleck party, moustaches everywhere.
After saying hello, I kept the chatter to a minimum since I was still embarrassed about being the drunk guy hitting on her last time.
Near the end of the party, people were starting to get to some bars. Kyle went home with his girlfriend, so I thought it'd be a good idea to go home also.
As I was leaving, I decided to ask for Dana's number. I said "Dana, I'm just going to say it: I think you're really cute. Could I give you a call some time?" To which she replied "Um...you already have my number. And I have yours. See? I'll call you right now." What??? Is this for real? I was that drunk?

10 seconds later, my phone is ringing. Phone number's tagged as "[Someone not named Dana] Kyle's Friend." So apparently I've been sitting on Dana's phone number for two months without knowing it.

So that's the scenario. I'll try calling tomorrow to see if she wants to grab a drink. If not (meaning she lets the phone go to voicemail and doesn't call back), then I'm back to nothing.

What do you think about the Two Days guideline? Is that a reasonable amount of time to give someone to call back? Personally, I return calls that day if I'm interested and it's not too late. What about you?

Totally Confused

Me + Heidi?


Remember Heidi? Yeah, the cute, super smart girl I met a few weeks ago. So I've been thinking that she's at least a little interested. Reasons being she calls me back and laughs at my stupid jokes.

Well now I'm not so sure. This evening I went to see a movie with Heidi. Let's just say the movie was awful, but it made for a fun situation. We were literally the only two people in the room, so we could talk and do whatever we wanted.

I got dropped off at the theater so Heidi gave me a ride home. While being dropped off, I felt like it was a good idea to go for a kiss. Well let me tell you, it wasn't. Instead of the sweet goodbye kiss that one would expect, I would say that about 10% of our lips met and 90% of mine were on her cheek....again. I don't think it was any mutual awkwardness that led to the mix-up.

So that leads me to my wondering. Does Heidi just want a male friend who she thinks is funny? Who maybe does random weird cheek kisses?

What do you think? Is this logical thinking at all? I'm really interested in Heidi, so I have no idea what to do now. I know that I shouldn't tell girls that I like them, but now I'm at a loss. I thought that trying to kiss her would send the message that I'm interested. Apparently not. Maybe I should go back to 4th grade check boxes

Waiting on the Next

I can't get Heidi out of my head. Is that weird? I've only seen her twice, but there's something about her that I really like.

I took off of work on Friday mainly to relax, but I also hoped that Heidi would be free to meet up during the day. While trading voicemails, she said that she was feeling "under the weather." While I believed her, the phrase seemed stock. On the upside, Heidi suggested Monday instead, which I obviously agreed to. I left a message on Sunday to confirm plans, assuming she'd call back that night. Today, Heidi called about the date. It turns out that she has the flu. Heidi suggested that we meet Thursday instead.

So that's the tentative plan. For right now I'm just afraid that I may call or text too often. I don't want her to feel all awkward if she realizes that I'm much more interested in her than she is in me.

What is the balance like in relationships you've been in? Are you usually the more interested one or is he/she? Is it balanced?

A Good Date (I Think)

"I didn't know we were drinking for real" -My remark when Heidi ordered Maker's on the rocks

As I mentioned, last night I went on a date with a girl I met on Saturday. I guess it was your standard first date type of conversation: Where are you from?; What do you like to do?; etc. Besides her obvious cuteness, I'm really into the fact that she's a lot smarter than me.

Unlike my first date with Sevilla, I tried a more straightforward approach to asking Heidi to see her again. To this, she didn't answer immediately but said next week should work.

As I stood outside of her apartment building, I thought the date went well enough to try to kiss her. As I leaned in, as did she, my fear that she instead assumed she would be hugged arose. So then came the weirdest, most non-European kiss on the cheek, which led to me walking back to my car.

So now I know that I'm really interested in Heidi, but I still don't know what her feelings are. I have the day off on Friday, so I may try to call and meet up with her then. Think it's too soon?

Is there a general rule for how spread apart the first few dates should be? Currently, I'd like to see her pretty often, but I don't need her thinking it's way too much.

Another

I'm going out for a drink with a girl I met at a volunteering event this past weekend. She seems cool. Hopefully she will be. Also, I'm planning on calling Sevilla to see what she's up to for the weekend. I'll keep you updated...

Where the Wild Things Are, Where the Interested Girls Are Not

Tonight I went to see the aforementioned movie with Seville. Let me tell you: it's awesome. I'm not even some gigantic fan of the book, but Spike Jonze keeps rolling out the hits. Definitely worth seeing if you want to remember all of those uncertainties of childhood that make it so great. As publicized, it's probably not the best flick for kids just because they have to go through childhood in order to reminisce, right?

As for Seville, she also really enjoyed the movie, so that was a plus. Like last week, we grabbed a drink afterward to talk. Now I don't know if it's just me, but I don't think she's having fun at all. She laughs at the really stupid jokes of mine (not sure if it's genuine or faked), but I thought it would be more obvious if she wanted to see me again. This time around, I didn't say the blatant "This was fun, let's do it again," which I can only assume she was thankful for.

Now I don't have any wild crush on this girl or anything yet, but she does seem interesting, and she's definitely really cute. I wish I could just know what she thought. Of course I can't just say what I'm thinking--that would be too easy. It would take all that mystery away and make things logical. Instead, I've decided to just not call her again unless she calls me. If she calls and suggests something other than a date where I'd be spending money on her, then at least she doesn't think I'm a complete idiot. And if she doesn't call back (within say...a week/next Friday), then I guess I have my answer.

The lesson of the night was that you should never park your car at the AMC River East Theater because it'll cost you $30.


What are some signs of an interested girl? Tonight there was none of that leaning forward, flipping hair, motion-mirroring stuff that I've read online. And if those are the actual signs, then I guess I know then.

Lazy Weekend

I feel like last weekend was generally unproductive, but still fun. After mulling over the possibilities, I've finally gotten to work on picking an organization to volunteer at. Though it's sponsored by a church, I don't think that there's any religious slant, which I'm thankful for. In general, I'll be tutoring adults and kids in math. Sounds like a good deal to me. I'm looking forward to it.

Since I had to meet the organizer earl-ish on Saturday, I had to watch my drinking the night before. A friend's roommate had a birthday, so I dropped by that. The party was pretty standard: drinking, dancing, beer pong.

I couldn't rope anyone into seeing some live music with me on Saturday, so I went by myself to see Headlights. Despite the fact that they didn't go on stage until midnight (there were three openers), the show was pretty entertaining. The band seemed pretty fun, and they played a lot of songs I like.

So that was my weekend. Not too much boredom, no girls, nothing else. We'll see what the week has in store. I'm trying to get a hold of Sevilla to ask her on another date.


Have you ever gone to see live music by yourself? Or have you done anything else that you figure groups would do (restaurants/movies,etc.)?

First Date Aftermath

This date has taught me a few things.

1) I know why I've been having an awful time with Match.com
2) If you're nervous, don't ask how the date stacks up against other online dates
3) PJ Clarke's has good Margherita Flatbread


So I took the cab over to the art exhibit. Seville was waiting in the corridor. Without any drinks in me, she still looked really good, so that's a plus. The exhibit itself was actually pretty awesome. Some great photography and other paintings were shown, all with price tags out of my range. As we walked around, we talked about what most first dates talk about: School, work, friends, family, etc.

After the show, we decided to grab some food and a drink. I think the best part of the conversation was when we talked about the randomness of Match.com (and therefore any online dating site), and told each other how their gender seems represented. Apparently, most of the guys on the site are sketchy, and there are a ton of them. Seville said that she signed up at about 11pm or so. By morning, she had 35 emails. This wasn't the case for me. So if you're a girl, and you're somewhat thinking about online dating, I vote with a big Yes. You'll actually have options. As a guy, I think it's a big competition, one which I'm losing, to stand out.

The night ended with us splitting the bill, though I tried to get the waitress's attention while Seville was in the bathroom. As we were leaving, I thought that I should hint that I'd like to see her again. Prior to this, I was hoping to say something bold and confident like "When can I see you again?". Instead, all that came out was "I had a really good time tonight. Would you want to go out again sometime? It's okay to say no..." Needless to say, my confidence could use some work. So now I feel like I kind of forced her into saying Yes because it would be super awkward to say No.

Today, I'm trying to make something of the date, which leads us to "The Spark." You know, that feeling when you meet someone and think this person is really awesome and you definitely want to see them again. Well it wasn't there for me, and I'm not sure why. Seville has most of the characteristics I'm looking for, but I didn't feel it. I'm basically hoping that since she seems like a great person, things may fall into place and I'll have a better idea if I like this girl after more than one date.


So how do you think the date went? I give it a B, pretty much all due to me (for it being low). Have you ever had a good dating experience with someone despite the fact that the Spark wasn't initially there?

Date Night

Tonight I'm going on my first online-related date. If you want to get really technical, I actually saw her last weekend while I was out with friends. This girl, I'll call her Seville (she studied abroad there), seems pretty friendly, and she's realy cute.

I think that since we've already had a run-in (and she had drinken more than me), I'm under less pressure to be witty/funny/etc. Hopefully some of that will still show up and I'm not a complete drag.

The general plan is that Seville and I will meet at a photography show (apparently her father has a picture in it), and then it's up in the air. I think we both assume we'll grab drinks, but are there some other good options, even with this awful weather? As much as I love ice cream, I'm guessing that she won't be into it with a 30 degree wind chill.

Other than that, online dating isn't going great. I think that one more girl stopped emailing me, and I feel like I've gone through every single female profile of a cute Chicago girl (hint: they usually want a white guy over 5'11).

So at least I have this date. I have to say, it's been quite a while since I've been on one, but at least this girl will know where Wisconsin is.

Any last minute suggestions for an alternative to drinks?

Small Update

So the last time I posted, I endlessly complained about my distaste for internet dating. As of today, I'll have to dial it down a little bit.

My general plan for starting match.com was that I could try to meet girls in person while trying to meet them online. Well at first I was getting completely shut down (save for a Russian immigrant bride scam). In the past week or so, I've started to talk to two different girls, one of whom I made plans to meet for coffee this weekend. So that's good, right? Hopefully my general thoughts on the online dating scene will lighten up.

But wait, a little more good news. So my favorite cafe just closed down. You know, the one where the barista gave me free coffee. I hadn't been there in a few weeks, so when I went last Saturday, I was surprised to hear the news. The girl who served me was Free Coffee Girl. I thought that I should ignore the "Don't ask out the server" rule and just ask her on a date. In a few short hours, she wasn't going to be anyone's server, huh?

So as I left, I asked if she'd want to get lunch. After hesitating a few seconds (is that normal or weird), she said sure. Apparently I'm supposed to call this week to get something set up. I'm happy that I got the nerve to ask, but still nervous that I won't get a returned call. At least this time, I'll make sure I don't fully ask her on the date via voice mail.

In other news, the Packers embarrassed themselves, which is unfortunate for me. Also, I'm planning on volunteering for a weekend Adult Tutoring group. Should be cool and keep me out of too much trouble on Fridays.

So with these two potential dates, the options are lunch, date, or coffee. Which do you think is best for a first date? Or is there a better option?

Learning From Mistakes

So in the course of trying to get a date, one has successes and failures that shows him that repeating the actions is either a good or bad idea. More often than not, these actions come with a bit of ambiguity. Should you pay a girl a compliment? Should you ask for a first date on a weekday or weekend? Day or night?

But every so often I do something that says "No! Never do that again." This was one of those cases. As I spoke with a friend about New Interest S, I wondered what I should do if/when I get voicemail (I've always gotten voicemail when calling girls for the first time). She said that I was obviously calling to ask for a date and I wouldn't want to just trick her into calling me back, so should just casually ask on the voicemail if it comes up. It seemed like a logical idea at the time.

So now it's over a day later, and I've heard nothing. I imagine that if a girl who wanted to go on a date got the message, then she could find 3 minutes to call me back. Instead, I just induced the most annoying part of dating: being ignored instead of receiving a straight answer. In hindsight, the Voicemail Date was an awful idea. I should have just asked to be called back and if that doesn't work twice, then I'm done.

But really, does it matter? She's going to say no either way. It may be true that I just want my chances with a new girl to last, since I seldomly meet them. In fact, that's probably it, but I'm still not making the same mistake.

What about you? Do you have a certain method for asking someone out? Or do you let your phone go to voicemail when someone calls for the first time?

The First Day of Fall

I can't believe it's the first day of fall.

The pluses:
-Autumn neighborhoods always look great
-I can wear more sweaters/use more of my wardrobe
-Football Season

The minuses:
-Way more unfortunate cold days
-I always seem to have less money around this time of year
-Where did all the girls in skirts go?

Since we had a ridiculously mild summer in Chicago, it almost feels like it's been fall since about July. Either way, it should be a good time.


So as I've insinuated, match.com has not been going swimmingly (sinking-ly?). So far, I've sent out 25 emails to girls. Some of which I've put a good amount of thought into without overdoing it, and other I just threw together but still made congenial. As of today, I've gotten zero replies. I'm not sure what the deal is. I've definitely sent out emails to different types of girls, too. From the dive bar girls to the former sorority girls, they disagree on everything except to show me interest. I just get the feeling that there are A LOT of guys on the site, and if you're an attractive, non-vapid girl, you could go on as many dates as you want. As for an only-funny-in-person-not-online normal guy who's not over 5'10: different story. I'll keep trying with it, but this 3-month subscription can't seem to end soon enough.

On the other hand, I asked the question last post if it's acceptable to stop trying to meet girls in person while being an online dating member. Well my current 0 for 25 streak has forced me to say no, and I went to a party with my friend Jay on Saturday. Of the 30 or so people there, I knew three, so I had my work cut out for me. After a while (and a few beers), I got comfortable enough to make friends with some random guys and girls without my friends around. For the larger portion of the night, though, I had my eye on a girl with pretty brown eyes.

Now I'd like to say that I walked up to her and said a witty comment that immediately got her laughing. Not the case. Instead, I talked to her friend who then introduced me. This girl was a combination of Brazilian and Jewish. Though a unique combination, let me tell you: it produces quite a good looking girl.

So the girl and I talked on and off for the next hour or so. I'll call her S in hopes that I can mention her again. At the end of the night, I asked for her number, which she gave me. Is it strange that she didn't take mine down, but instead just had me call her phone to make the number show?

The only problem of the night was that I'm not the most mysterious/intriguing person. Instead of leaving it at "I'll call you" I said "Yeah, I'll probably call you Saturday." So now that I'm not worried about getting this number (because I have it), the worry is now at if she picks up the phone when I call. Calling girls and not getting replies is the most annoying part of dating to me. Hopefully this works out so I can worry about if she'll cancel on a set date.

Have you ever gotten someone's number but not received a retuned call? Or if you're a girl, have you ever done this? Is it to be polite or to let the guy save face in front of his friends?

Are Dating Sites a Supplement for Bravery?

So I'm about a week into this Match.com deal. There really hasn't been much going on with it. I've sent 9 emails or so, 2 people have read the email, looked at my profile, and then decided to do nothing. So basically, this site has just become a new way for me to get rejected. But there have been two positive outcomes so far:

1)I'm fairly confident that I actually want to meet/date a girl. It's been a pretty long time since I've shared mutual interest in anyone, so at times I would think that I may just want to be noticed. Now I'm fairly certain.

2) I don't just want someone who likes everything that I do. Match.com (as well as, I assume, most dating sites) asks you to describe yourself and the potential date. I once thought that if I could find a girl who likes all the snobby/obscure music/films as me, then our compatibility would be a no brainer. I don't think that's the case anymore. Sure, it'd be funny if she has the same La Dolce Vita poster as I do, but is she funny?



As for the title of this post, I've done absolutely no work trying to meet girls in person, on my own. Does it make sense that I think that if I'm putting in some effort online, then I can slack in real life?

I'm going to keep trying with match, but I should probably put in some effort away from the computer, too. I'm trying to make my friend's pregame party on Saturday, where I'll know only him. Maybe I should try to talk to a girl there.


What are the best and worst ice breakers you've heard?

OK I Joined: how's my profile?

So this last weekend I joined match.com. I know that I didn't wait until Oct. 1, but I felt like it now. As for the site, the cost is pretty low (about $20/month for 3 months). The site is set up pretty well, asking preferences and then finishing with a self-written summary.

Surprisingly for me, there are quite a few girls on the site. So far, I've emailed 3 girls. To stay diligent, I hope to try to email one every day or 2. How much is supposed to be said in these emails? Does anyone know? Mine have been pretty short. Generally, I'd like to say that she seems interesting (refer to part of profile that was interesting), and I'd want to know if she thinks I'm worth the time to respond. Probably not the smoothest things to say.

I get that the site is generally based on being a numbers game (email a lot, get a few back, go on few dates, but still meet someone), but it's annoying that you spend some time emailing someone, but never receive a reply (you see that they've since looked at your profile, also).

So here's my profile summary.


So I'm a Wisconsin guy who's lived here in Chicago for about a year now, and it's great. I like the fact that whatever interests you have (except surfing), the city's got you covered.

I work a regular job as a desk jockey in the suburbs, so I value my free time. Even though I enjoy chilling out and watching a movie, I really like to be out doing something.

For fun, I like to do what everyone else lists here: read, watch movies, listen to music. If you're up for it, we could even get nerdy and talk about math.

As for you...I used to think that I only wanted someone who shared my interests, but that's kind of boring. Though it's true that I'd like someone who likes fitness and Fellini movies as much as me, I'm looking for a little more. Instead, I'd like to find someone who challenges me. That person will introduce me to new thoughts and hobbies, make me think differently, and probably make fun of me a little (I can take a joke pretty well).

If you fit the bill, then we should check it out.


How does it look? Should I add/subtract anything? Would this profile keep you interested?

Revolutionary Road and Other Thoughts

****If you haven't seen the movie Revolutionary Road, you might not want to read this. I'm not sure what I'm going to say****

As the title suggests, I just finished watching Revolutionary Road. Though it's yet another dramatic relationship movie that I get made fun of for (see: Atonement), I thought the movie was quite good. As many have probably heard, the cynical man's point of the story is Don't move to the suburbs. Though this is somewhat legitimate, I doubt it's the meaning. Not all good movies need a message or allegory (see: Star Wars), but I believe that Sam Mendes is trying to convey one. It may just be me, but I think that the acting was too good for the film to be "just a story."

Different guesses for the film's meaning could be that relationships are fragile at all points or only some actions should be spontaneous. One line from the movie popped out at me when the main characters were arguing and Leonardo DiCaprio's character was trying to justify their marriage. Kate Winslet's responds that he's "just some guy who made her laugh at a party." Now this is a tangential idea, but is that all it takes sometimes to get girls' attention?

I know that girls always say that they like funny guys, but I never understood it. I don't understand how someone can be instantly funny. Let's assume I'm considered a funny person (which may or may not be true). If I see a pretty girl who I don't know, should I try to be funny as I meet her? That seems pretty tough. Who can respond to "Be funny. Right now!"? And if I just "acted like myself" as is often the suggestion, there's a really good chance I won't say anything humorous at all.

So these are the things that keep me thinking about girls. I have no idea what I'm doing, and I haven't gone out (at night) for the past few weeks to meet any. Match.com D-Day is arriving, and I've done nothing to work against it.

What do you think about talking up people while they're working (sales associates, baristas, etc.) when they aren't busy? I know I've mentioned this before, but I'd like an opinion. My main problem is that I forget that they're friendly to me because they're paid to be that way. How do I talk to them in another setting, though? Their work might be my only chance.

Good Idea? Bad Idea? New Game Plan

So CBD hasn't been working out for me. It's not that the dates are bad--there aren't any at all. So instead of tying up my free nights and having to explain to friends that I "may or may not be going on a date," I'll let it end.

Instead, I'm trying something new. A coworker said that if I don't meet any girls before Oct. 1, then she's going to have me make a match.com profile (and she'll help out, for what that's worth). I used to be adamantly opposed to taking dating sites seriously, but lately I've had a slight change of heart. I'd thought that there are some super important anti-nervous traits that I needed to get by meeting girls in person like a Josh Hartnett movie. Or that it's way too geeky. But a few things have come up that are making me rethink this:

-I haven't met girls in forever. All the ones I've met lately seemed to have boyfriends.
-I met a girl through a friend who talked about being on eHarmony. She was really good looking, but both not interested in me and didn't seem too bright.
-Maybe running with statistics isn't so bad.

I'm still pretty skeptical about it, but we'll see what happens. Or I grow a pair in the next 5 weeks.


Have you ever done online dating? Ever thought about? What was your experience?

Not Yet

It's been a while before I've posted because I wanted to be able to talk about this Crazy Blind Date idea. Well so far it hasn't happened. In my head, I thought that there were hundreds of single, nervous/bored Chicagoans who would be up for a date. Apparently not as many as I had thought. I'm not ready to give up yet, but the computer at CBD keeps setting me up with some Brittney girl. I've confirmed trying to set up a date each time (now 3 or 4 times total), but she never agrees. Hopefully the computer will catch on and allow me to not waste a night.

Besides that, I had a pretty fun weekend. For $15 I saw Tapes 'n Tapes and Art Brut in one night. Following that, we partied our heads off for our friend's birthday.

I'm keeping this post short in hopes that I soon will be able to write about an actual Crazy Blind Date.

Desperate Times...

I wouldn't exactly say that these times are "desperate," but I feel like I should take some more action in my dating life (or lackthereof). A quick summary:

-Haven't been on a date since March
-Haven't asked anyone out since...yeah March
-Don't think bars are ideal for me to meet girls
-Still don't try in any other location
-Constantly see attractive girls on my train commute, but say nothing
-Have gotten better at keyboard (yay!)

So I assume you get the point by now. Logically, one would think that I'd suggest that I go out and meet a girl and ask her out. Well I'm still too afraid of rejection for that. Instead, I think I may try Crazy Blind Date. I saw this site a few months back, but I guess I wasn't feeling spontaneous. Basically, this website just sets you up on a date with a random person, and neither of you know anything. I have no idea what to expect except that I probably shouldn't get my hopes up that Natalie Portman or D are looking to change things up.

By doing this, hopefully I'll get some of the shyness/awkwardness out, but at least it'll be better blog fodder than my usual "what I did this weekend" (hint: probably got drunk and glanced at girls until I rode my bike home).

So I'm filling out this stuff right now. Basically, you pick your ideal time frame and neighborhood areas (at least 3). Next, you have to add some sort of tag line. So basically, this site says "Be Funny! Now!" in one sentence. I say "We'll do the opposite of bore eachother to death," but I'm typing with my fingers crossed.

Next, the site prefaces that the whole CBD theme is really low pressure, but still allows you to make height/ethnicity/body type/education restrictions, which is nice of them. In the spirit of the experiment. I'm leaving them all blank.

So now there's this type of sign-up that they make you do (makes sense. wouldn't want to lose track of the stalkers). You have to upload a photo that apparently is pixelated before your date and becomes visible thereafter. Also, there are some more "get to know you" questions asked.

And that's it for registration. it seems as though they want me to continue going on random dates, but we'll first have to be matched with the initial one. Now hopefully this won't end up with a flake-out like most of my others.

Critical Mass & More

Do you like riding your bike? Do you like meeting people? Then you should see if Critical Mass occurs in your town. This past Friday was my first. More or less, on the last Friday of each month somewhere between 1,000 and 2,000 bicyclers (as well as some people who longboard/rollerblade) meet up to ride together in the street. Supposedly, July and August call on the most people, and this one was fun. You get to talk about bikes (or whatever) with friendly people and take a little tour around Chicago. I even met a girl there, but I was too afraid to ask for her number. Maybe she'll show up next time.

The rest of the weekend has been uneventful. I saw the White Sox kill the Yankees, to my disappointment, but their stadium looks awesome.

I'm not sure if it's because I've been watching a lot of relationship-y type shows lately (HIMYM and Skins), but I still keep getting that anxious feeling when I see girls who I would want to try meeting. I wonder if it ever goes away. I feel like in one way or another I've asked some guy friends to help me out at bars, but they don't seem to want to. For instance, I think Rob (with his girlfriend of like 3 years) would rather just hang out with his friends and not be bothered with any of that. Perfectly acceptable. So that puts me still fighting for myself, but really not taking any action.

Back to the topic of TV shows--Do you think that the writing in a lot of these romantic sitcoms is realistic of dating life for the majority of America? Do many girls find Ted Mosby's corny jokes funny? Or find him attractive? Granted, I love the show, but sometimes I wonder if it's setting up a false reality where my own life doesn't stack up or if it's supposed to give me some hope that you can be really average looking and tell stupid jokes but still appear attractive. Which do you think it is?

Haaave you met R?

C'mon. I love this show.

Last Saturday was my friend R's birthday. He's a big Lincoln Park fan (he lives there) so I agreed to meet up. Since I don't really take any of the girls who live there seriously (one suggested I add a bell, basket, and pegs to my road bike so I'd look like a douchebag. Weird), I figured I'd do what I could to help him meet some girls.

I didn't have a great idea of what to do to rope in a girl to talking to R (not to say anything negative about him in that way, though). Instead, I just went with the go-to wingman move used by Barney Stinson (For those who don't know: Neil Patrick Harris on How I Met Your Mother. Start watching it): simply saying "Have you met (insert buddy name here)?" and getting out of the way.

Though the girl was interested enough to talk to R, R commented that it was like talking to a picture of a hot girl: no steady conversation. So unfortunately, my attempts for R turned out to be un-Legendary.

These interactions led me to a few conclusions, though:

1)It's way easier to talk to girls at bars when you aren't super drunk (which I usually am). Maybe that's one thing to work on, as opposed to knowing all the lyrics to the 90s rap songs that play.

2)How come it's easier to approach the opposite sex for other people? There was no hesitant questioning if I should wait until Girl of Interest was absolutely alone or looking in our direction. Nope, those feelings were saved for later in the night when I considered talking to girls (I didn't).


But back to the general meeting girls thing, how do girls generally feel if someone were to buy them a drink and try to talk to them? Jay's girlfriend says it's not a big deal and it shows interest. I've never done it before. Not because I'm cheap, but I feel like I'd be making a girl feel obligated to talk to me for five minutes or whatever.

Does this actually happen? Or do girls just think "Sweet. Free drink"?

Swaps!: A Fun Frakking Food Tour

This is my first 20sb blog swap. I'm trading with The Brooklyn Boy, a pretty cool guy whose blog I'll be following:




"I've never gotten past the first thing ..."
"What?"
"The post thing. We went when my parents were here and then turned around."
"Uhhh ... wack. We're definitely going. And we're going to Grimaldi's first."
"And then ice cream?"
When her eyes light up like that, it's hard to say no. Especially when she's improving on a good idea. So with my oh-so-fun Furlough Fridays, we met up around 4:30 and hopped the train to DUMBO.
We quickly found out 5 p.m. is an awesome time to go to Grimaldi's, because we waited about 20 minutes (they were trying to sort all the vacated tables into 2-tops) and by the time we left, the line extended so long it almost reached the Fulton Ferry landing. Inside I ordered a Peroni, because a) I like beer and b) it's Italian, and we agreed on a mushroom and ricotta pizza. Because I was feeling ambitious, it was a large. The lady is small. She gamely ate three slices, which means I ate five, managing to impress not only due to volume but also by wisely eating the slices in size order (large to small), which made it waaay less intimidating to wolf down the final one.
After dinner, we chilled on the Ferry landing for a bit before setting off across the bridge. Moseying across while doing our best to avoid bikers and also the throngs of photo-taking tourists, we soon exited onto Chambers St. I mentioned my high school was down the block, and she mentioned never having actually seen it. So we hiked crosstown, randomly running into a co-worker of mine who lives outside the city, and took a quick peek inside after I hit her with urban legends (track team practice, pre-bridge: running back and forth across the West Side Highway before the light changed) and fun facts (the bridge staircase railing being named "The Holy Rail" for skaters).
Ambling from there into the West Village, we hit up cones for some delicious gelato. I can't remember the fruit, but it was a marscapone combo. Playing tourists, we laughed at the smutty pulp-novel-cover postcards and gave a dollar to a barbershop quartet after listening to a song. (Support your local artists!) Walking off the gelato as we headed up to Milk Bar, we focused on our mission of ordering crack pie, which we hadn't previously because the cookies are so damn good. That accomplished, we headed back round my way, struggling the final few blocks because seven miles was soooo far. And it was 9 o'clock and I'm old (almost 26!)
Our food tour was not finished, however. See we woke up, ate the crack pie (fiending for more) and then went to Clinton St. Bakery for the city's best pancakes. Thank fuck for high metabolism. And girlfriends who eat.

---

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Pitckfork and the rest of the Weekend

I'm doing this post with my phone during my commute so I can stay awake:

This past weekend, two friends came to town: Z, a friend since 3rd grade, visited to see the Saturday performances at the Pitchfork Music Festival with Kumar. He wasn't too happy with 10mph rush hour traffic. J, a girl I know from college, rode down to hang out with her high school friends. She opted for the bus, which was an hour late. Neither were happy with their trips.

After eating dinner, Z and I stopped by J's friends' apartment for a few drinks. Though I like living in a simple walkup apartment nice ones (with working appliances) still look better. After an hour or so, Z and I walked to Kumar's apartment. The rest of the night was filled with people playing guitar, discussing how ridiculous it is that parents are joining facebook, and Old Grand Dad 114 whiskey. Old Grand Dad was pretty cranky.

On Saturday, Z left for the festival while I met up with J and her friends on Michigan ave. As much as I enjoy buying clothes for myself watching other people do it isn't as fun. But at least I'm not spending my money. Our nighttime plan was to go to The Violet Hour for a few drinks and then go from there. While J walked to the bar with her friends, I rode my bike from Rob's apartment while he took a cab with his girlfriend. I wouldn't say that Rob is the quickest person to get ready. Pair that with waiting for a taxi and traffic, and I was there 20 minutes before him. Violet Hour is probably the one bar in Wicker Park that you have to wait in line for (thankfully it's worth it). The bar is owned by the owner of super-nice restaurants Blackbird and Publican. When you go into the bar, you get seated by your party size. When Rob and gf arrived, I failed to explain this to him and let him refuse to skip the line (he didn't want any dirty looks). Long story short: we got in about 35 minutes before Rob. Luckily the drinks and atmosphere was great. Following paying for 10 drinks (of $10-12 each) between J's friend and I, we were in need of some cheaper drinks.

On to Crocodile and its $2.50 Pabst tallboys and free personal pizzas. Yup: when you order drinks that cost something like $6 total or so, they give you a small pizza for free. As a reference, mixing scotch with pbr and dirty basement dancing will likely make you black out.

Sunday was my turn to go to Pitchfork with Kumar, Jay, and a few others. Like last year, it was a great time. A quick recap od the acts I saw:

Pharoahe Monche: a rapper who hangs with the likes of Mos Def and Talib. He put on a great show, aided by a DJ from the group the Xecutioners. Apparently MF Doom from the night before wasn't great due to the audio setup, so I'm happy I saw Pharoahe instead.

The Walkmen: NYC via DC indie rockers. These guys were amazing. They played most of their songs from last year's You & Me, which were great, but a little slower. In songs like The Rat and In the New Year, the sounded their best.

Mew: Dutch "Opera Rock" (as described by Jay). These guys have a pretty big following I guess. They sounded unique, but definitely European. I saw them instead of Grizzly Bear because Jay said that GB would be in town during September.

The Flaming Lips: indie rock gods 2nd to Pavement. If last year's headliner Spoon had an arrogant cool, this was the complete opposite, but just as fun. I'm not a big Lips fan, but this live show left me wanting more. The band had more confetti than I've ever seen. They blew up giant balloons until they burst as well as shot it from cannons. And oh yeah, their 90 minutes of music was great too. Of all three days, I definitely picked the best day to go.

So that sums up my weekend. Lots of running around and hanging out. One thing that I thought of was the fact that my effort toward meeting girls has been at zero for quite a while now. All I've done recently was say Hi to D at the cafe.
So I'll ask a question either single or dating people can answer:

Do you find it's easier/more productive to kick back and not pursue the opposite sex or to be proactive about meeting new people?

At a Club

An Actual Club? Of course not

I feel like I did a solid job of not spending too much cash this weekend. This is important, because I'm poor and need to save up for the horrendous security deposits that landlords ask for. I didn't end up going out on Friday because random circumstances with each group of friends caused them not to call back. Some got drunk way too early, some were at small gatherings "not open to others," and another completely lost his phone. Though it was a little frustrating, I still probably saved $30 or so.

My Saturday involved the beach (the second time in this very un-hot summer) and then WestFest on Chicago Ave. WestFest was kind of boring except that we saw the last 45 seconds of Mucca Pazzi. Following the band, we watched part of a DJ set of all the standard club songs you love to hate (And I just hate). During this set, we noticed a woman dancing on stage with her infant. Weird. Soon after, I got a call to meet up with Rob, so I biked over to his place with the intention of meeting up later.

We grabbed some food at Pizza Metro, the best pizza around. Or at least the best pizza in my area. For under $3, you get a pretty liberal slice of pizza that's wildly delicious.

And then we started drinking...lots of cheap beer (PBR only). Usually when I drink a lot, I have a pretty good time. But whenever I get caught up thinking about my string of bad luck with girls (I'm not even going to post a link for this. Just read any post...) I tend to get frustrated and overanalyze a lot. Now I'm not saying that I turn into a crying girl, but I get confused about what I should do.

Case in point:

After our first bar, we went to Rainbo Club. Now, this isn't a club at all, but just a one-room dive bar that probably holds 60 people. When Rob and I walked in, I thought I saw a girl who I'd asked out last October. Long story short, she agreed to go on a date for dinner with me (twice), but flaked out on plans and never returned calls (no date ever took place). I see her every so often, but she acts like she hadn't agreed to anything. Needless to say, I avoid her. It turns out that it was the girl, C. I didn't say hi to her and hadn't any real plan to. As the night wore on, Rob and I drank our fair share of $2 Pabst (Pints, at that. Awesome). Out of nowhere, I see Donna from the train standing around. Since I see her once or twice a week, saying hi is no big deal. Strange thing is Rainbo Club is the last bar I'd expect to see her. Being a Lincoln Park girl, she's usually in that neighborhood drunkenly dancing and paying $5 for beers. Before leaving, Donna sat down with Rob and I to talk a little. During the conversation, she asked Rob if his totally normal looking glasses were prescription, to which he replied "Yes, this isn't Lincoln Park" (Read: Rob automatically didn't like her dumb question).

So there I had it. In one bar stood two girls I'd asked out on dates. One was hip, the other was a female Bro (is that a Sis then?), and neither had wanted anything to do with me. This got my only-realize-how-drunk-you-were-until-next-morning self to thinking: Have I totally struck out with both ends of this social spectrum? Does that mean I'm screwed with everything in the middle, too? Rob said that I was overthinking it and need to just relax. I said (and still think) that if I don't do anything at all, there won't be any girls throwing themselves at me.

The positive thing that came out of the night is that I didn't foolishly text either girl: C because I've deleted her number from my phone, and Donna because I managed to restrain myself.

Rob also mentioned the age-old advice that I shouldn't try to meet girls at bars. What do you think about this? I'm not sure how I feel either way, because if I met a girl at some non-bar location, there's still a pretty high probability that she goes to bars on the weekends.


Also, I found out that one of the front desk girls at my gym met her new boyfriend at the gym. He gave her his number, and she called him. It's a little embarrassing because I did the exact same thing to her (she never called me). When I heard this, I was a little disappointed, thinking that she should've called me, and we would have had a great time. But in general, I'm just glad she called someone back. Now I know that what I did wasn't completely wrong.

Let's Be More Adventurous

Kid separated his shoulder waterskiing the day of his party

So the past week (outside of the work part) has been pretty fun. I went back to Wisconsin for the 4th. A 7th grade friend had a party, so I got to see him for the first time in about 8 years (wow. that's long). My hatred for Wrigleyvile grew, as some Bro must have broken off the back fender of my bike to show off for some illiterate girls he was with.

I went to the cafe today after my haircut in hopes of seeing D from last week. She wasn't there, which isn't a giant surprise. But now it makes me think that I should have gotten her number before running away. Instead of complain about that single situation, maybe I'll try to do it differently with the next girl.

While at the cafe, the barista gave me free coffee with my sandwich (yay! free stuff!), but who knows, it could've just been a mistake. Though she was really cute and made some small talk about Chicago's disgusting weather, there's a funny clipping from the Onion titled "Barista Not Actually Flirting with You" (Read it. It's funny) taped to where you order coffee. So that pretty much knocks down any truth to my assumption.

Have you ever thought someone was into you and then been completely wrong also? I know this wasn't my first time.

A Small Step for YFW...

Last night I saw one of my favorite bands, Stephen Malkmus & the Jicks (moreso his former band Pavement, but both are great). When seeing live shows of artists you're really into, there's always a jumbled up set list you'd want them to play. If they hit even 25% of the songs, I think you can leave pretty happy. SM played some new stuff, some songs off his previous album, and a couple from his first two. Overall, it was a really entertaining show. No dancing, just head bobbing.

After the show, we went to a standard 4AM bar. By the time we got there, I was exhausted, but tried to do a bit of hanging out. The bar was pretty busy and there were quite a few girls (as well as guys) there (I guess that's the definition of "pretty busy," huh?). There were a few girls I wanted to talk to, but just felt like it would be too weird. By the end of the night, I was both super-tired and kind of down due to my shyness.

But today was a little different. After working out, I made my standard trip to the cafe. Upon entering, I noticed a petite girl in a green shirt. She looked really cute, so after buying my coffee, I sat in the table directly to her right. For the next hour, I drank my coffee and read Will Self while glancing over every....45 seconds it seemed. I think she looked over a few times, but I never really know. After a while, I knew I wanted to say something, but I felt sketchy doing so around some other people. Instead, I decided to do the one thing I know: Say hi and quickly leave. Now this wasn't without first trying to overcome all my shyness. This included packing up all my shit and just sitting at the table for 10 minutes, standing up and doing nothing, and walking to blow my un-stuffed-up nose. Finally I decided to walk over and say I was leaving, but wanted to say hi. She was really friendly, and I think she was open to talking a little more because she asked if I lived around the area and what I did for work (after I asked her what her book was about--teacher stuff). So I may have been able to swing it into an actual conversation, but I was pretty nervous. I told her, D, that I hoped I'd see her again. She said that she lives across the street from the cafe, but it was the first time I'd seen her (I go at least once per weekend).

So that's it. How'd I do? Should I have asked for her number, or is it fine I'm just trying to get lucky and see her there again? I feel like most guys figured this out when they were 14, but I was busy playing Nintendo 64 and learning algebra.

I Missed It

If I had gone, I would've been the last one there...


So I guess I passed up the Midwest blogosphere meetup of the year. Chicago blogger Jenn told me to stop by Rebel in Wrigleyville, but I didn't end up going. Though I should have gone just to meet more people, I still hate that neighborhood. If there's any other mini-meetup, I'll do my best to get to that one.


Last Saturday was the going away party for my friend Bill. The funny thing is that while all the MKE people are saying goodbye, Bill and his gf are moving about 1.5 miles away from me, so that's cool. I was hoping to see the volleyball girl at the same bar just to see what would happen, but she didn't show up (nor did I call).

On the girl front, there's nothing in the near future. It's kind of tough to only pick one location (coffee shop) to say you'd be open to talking to girls. Though I haven't really seen many who I've been interested in lately, I still haven't spoken to any. I'll have to work on that.

So assuming I'll actually make an attempt when I see the next coffee shop girl, what other type of spot would also be acceptable?

Maybe I should've still gone

Through my free Nerve account (which I do next to nothing with), a free preview of the new Woody Allen/Larry David movie was offered. As a fan of both of them, I wanted to see it, but didn't really want to go to a movie alone (though it wouldn't be the first time). I pretty much asked all of the friends I regularly talk to in Chicago and they all said no or bailed. So instead I just worked out and then talked to the receptionist with the new boyfriend.

Have you ever gone to a movie alone? Usually I don't want to do so, but it's not a big deal. Kinda awkward to ask the clerk for 1 ticket, but hey, they don't care. And their job is a movie theatre clerk. So you've got that on them.

My friends met Larry David and I didn't

I generally have two groups of friends that rarely hang out together. Both are from Wisconsin, but different groups. Kumar's in one, while a guy named Bob is in another. I worked at a WI bar with Bob, so a lot of us meet up. On Saturday, each group was going to a different beach. Since Bob asked first, I went with him to North Ave. Beach. As expected, it was a good time, and now I'm really burnt. I met the boyfriend of one of the girls at the beach. He was a nice guy, but not as attractive as the girl (typical). So overall, our beachtime (and 44th floor rooftop swimming pool) was a good time.

Meanwhile, Kumar, Jay, and some other people went to a different beach. As I found out later, they ended up meeting Larry David on the street. Apparently he's pretty awesome, and now I'm jealous.

This weekend's nightlife wasn't filled with too much. Just dive bars and dance parties. As far as meeting girls goes, there isn't much of a story. I chatted up a skinny white girl who was wearing a Nas t shirt, but that's about it.

Last week I watched the movie Yes Man w/ Jim Carrey and Zooey Deschanel. It wasn't really good or anything, but generally entertaining and Zooey was cute as usual. It gave a pretty good general message to do what you want if you're the only one stopping yourself. I'll try to apply this to the whole thing I have with girls now. I guess if I'm pretty drunk at a bar it's not so tough to talk to someone, but I'm still a little hesitant about random places. I saw a cute girl at the grocery store today, but never said anything because it felt like I was ambushing her or something. Maybe none of it matters, though.

While I was at the beach with Bob and three girls who I've met once before, I tried to work on my conversation skills. I felt less pressure with them because they all had boyfriends, so it's not like I was trying to be smooth or anything. Since I had already met them, I also didn't have to be afraid to say anything introductory. I still had the problem of not knowing what to say as part of conversation. Would I proceed with more "getting to know you" questions? Or should I just say random things to them as I had to Bob? Keep in mind, I think I had already told about 5 horrible/boring stories to him that day, so it's not like I was keeping those gems for close friends.

Is that how it works, though? Don't try to "turn on the charm" and instead just talk to girls like you've been friends for years? And then just pick from whoever likes your conversation? or instead do you "be yourself" but just focus on not being really boring?

Quick Question

I'm not sure if you girls are aware of this, but there are generally two theories about trying to talk to girls we're into but don't know:

1) These girls get hit on all the time so you have to not look like a big tool or say the same things she's probably heard.

2) Most guys are too afraid to talk to girls so anything genuine you say should get a better-than-expected response.

Which one is actually true? Also, do you good looking girls out there actually know how attractive you are? I tend to avoid giving looks-related compliments because I assume these girls are pretty aware of their looks and don't need me sucking up.

Thanks in advance.

A Late Save

Pens Win!

Another weekend down. This one was pretty entertaining. Two friends in Streeterville had a house party for donations to a children's fund. As usual friends as well as strangers were there. Some people I didn't know were cool, while others were tools. One girl, from Minnesota, was pretty hot until she opened her mouth. Now I'm not sure what you think about race/gay/etc. jokes, but I generally think they can be funny. Mainly because the idea is destroy those very stereotypes, while hanging on to (sometimes, but not always) a little truth. For instance: I'm Asian, I majored in Math, and I just started to learn keyboard. That's a joke waiting to happen.

But back to the girl...She claimed that she can make gay jokes because her sister is a lesbian. Does it work that way? I'm thinking not. I know a Mexican guy and that doesn't give me a right to make Mexican joke, right? Weird, but whatever.
I also had a quick music conversations with a stranger who was a pretty nice guy. He mentioned that he really liked David Byrne's latest album, but he pronounced his last name as "Brynn," like Brynn-Mawr. Being that The Talking Heads are one of my favorite bands ever, I asked if he meant "Burn." He said that it was a common misconception about the pronunciation and he was right. I'm still thinking he's wrong; Can anyone verify?

Saturday was filled with disgusting rain until about 3pm, so I didn't do anything until my friend's birthday party. His party was at a bar in Streeterville, which I was definitely not excited about. I expected a lot of Affliction t shirts there. While I was pregaming at the apartment from the previous night, we were informed that the birthday boy was still throwing up from the previous night and wouldn't be going out. Even though I wanted to see him, this was an out for me. No birthday boy means I don't have to go to the bar. So I called some other friends and headed to (coincidentally) a different birthday party. The rest of the night was filled with booze and a jelly bean tray (and Michael Jackson).

It wouldn't be a YFW blog post if I didn't mention my dating anxiety. I sat across from a girl at the coffee shop I visit. I thought she looked a bit like Shannyn Sossamon, who I've liked since The Rules of Attraction. Though we were about 10 feet away from eachother, she never seemed to look up at me. I was hoping to make some eye contact, but it never happened. Next, I thought that I could start the conversation by saying I thought she looked like SS, or asking her what she was reading. Instead, I didn't do anything and left.
So two questions:

1) What would you have done (or thought was least weird if you're a girl)?
2) My friend said I should say anything because girls generally just like attention. Though this might help me gain a little confidence about the situation (currently I feel like I'm bothering everyone), how true is this?

You Snooze, You Lose

At what point do you get sick of missing out on potential dates? I feel like I identify girls who I'd like to potentially ask out, but I never do and they end up meeting someone else. I think that I let this happen on purpose so I don't risk rejection.

So far, no one has given me any suggestions for what to say to girls. it looks like I may go into the weekend without anything (though I'm still open...). It's also possible that I'm focusing on being funny/interesting too much. Instead, maybe I should just have a lot of boring conversations with girls and find the one who I connect with. The only thing about that is that I run the risk of being a boring conversationalist.

What do you think? Should I work on not being boring or should I not change anything and just try with more girls?

Last Weekend I Broke Into a Car

Well.....it was my friends....and he was there...because he locked his keys in it. Surprisingly, it's really easy to break into cars with power locks, assuming they don't have super security alarms. We just looked up a YouTube video and had it open within minutes. Saved my bud some money, but kind of scary at the same time with street parking, right?

So the last week hasn't been super eventful, but still fun. Friday and Saturday nights were standard drinking night, but gladly I didn't have too much since I had to work out the next day. On Sunday, Kumar, Jay, and I went to a big book sale, which was really cool. Among books, this fair had other "hobbyish" stuff to sell like comic books, posters, maps, and celebrity autographs. The autograph books were robust, to say the least. It makes you wonder who really wants a James Woods or Greg Kinnear autographed glossy...

Last night was pretty awesome, though. St. Vincent played a free show at Millennium Park, which was great. I'm pretty pumped for all the music happening this summer in Chicago. I got my Pitchfork ticket in the mail yesterday and just ordered my Malkmus ticket for next month.

Since I haven't tried to meet any girls or asked any out in what seems forever (I think it was March?), I want to try something new/potentially pathetic. If you reader's haven't caught on, I have no idea what I'm doing when trying to meet girls. Instead, why don't you tell me what I should say? It'll be kind of like an experiment where we'll build it little by little. You tell me something to say (that's not totally embarrassing), and I'll do my best to try it with girls I'd like to talk to. I'll report back, and if it seems good, maybe we'll try something else.

I have no idea what this will turn into, or even if I'll get any responses, but first thing's first: What do I initially say? Like I said before, you tell me to say it, and I'll do it. All I need is the first thing, and then I'll probably stumble through the conversation until I get back to you.

thanks

YFW

High Profile DJs

How come they make so much money? Now I'm not a real big hater of them or anything, but They're just taking other people's songs and mixing them. Yesterday I went with Kumar, his roommate who I'll call Jay, and some other friends to the Do Division festival. Well, actually we went to the German MaiFest first where people got too drunk to get to Do Division on time. No big deal. But the Saturday night headliner was the DJ Flosstradamus. When we got there, it was a giant dance party. Pretty sweet looking, with people on their rooftops and sitting out of their bedroom windows watching the show. For the 15 minutes left of his set that we saw, it was pretty fun. I understand that a lot of DJs produce their own music and then play it, like DJ Premier, but what about DJs who don't? Granted, the last few Girl Talk albums have been pretty fun to listen to, but there's absolutely no new material on them. His shows don't really cost much to see, so it's not like he's commanding ridiculous prices (Do Division was $5 donation, too), but I just think it's weird that DJ AM can charge a ridic amount for a private show. At least it's working for them, though.

In other news, there's absolutely nothing in the potential date realm for me. Though I saw a bunch of good looking girls at a party full of French girls on Friday and Saturday randomness, I didn't really talk to them and couldn't hold any interest. For as long as I can remember (well, probably since I was 13), I've been asking friends what I should do to get girls interested. I think the first thing I'm going to do (and follow through) is stop asking for suggestions. I've realized it makes me look desperate, which is not what I'm shooting for. I'm also torn between the idea of not really trying to meet girls and just saying "hi" as opposed to some type of smart comment.

Over the weekend, Jay was talking up a lot of girls, and most of them seemed to be pretty interested in him. He's a pretty good looking dude, but I'm sure he'd say that isn't his main draw. Sometimes I think that attraction has a lot to do with just compatibility. If that's true, then how is Jay so successful? Or does he just have the type of personality that's more compatible with others, as if that's some quantifiable feature?


PS. I've listened to the new Wilco album twice and it's still not really doing it for me. As much as I like the band, I'm afraid their creativity is slipping quite a bit. I'll give it another shot, though.

This is How Nerdy I Am

As a nerd, I enjoy general truths that I don't need to think twice about: Gravity, Evolution, The Empire Strikes Back was the best one, etc. So when I see one of these infallible statements challenged, it makes me think. What I'm referring to is my notion that girls don't want to be approached at the gym because they're all sweaty or they're just not interested in being approached while focused on something else. Now, there are two reasons why I use this rule:

1) It stops me from making an idiot of myself and trying to be witty while there is no oxygen in my brain.

2) It's way more common than a "girls want to be hit on all the time" rule.

Now keep in mind that all of my ideas like this should come with the Brad Pitt rule (If Brad Pitt hit on you (a straight female. Hey maybe even lesbian too. He could do that) you could care less if his timing was right. Unfortunately for me, I have zero common characteristics with him. Okay, maybe one: I'm what 5/7 of his kids will look like in 20 years.

So while I was at the gym today, I saw a pair of guys talk to two different really pretty girls. Lots of smiling, laughing, etc. It may be possible that each girl was a sibling of the guys, but I'm inclined to doubt that. Now, these guys were generally better looking than me, but nowhere near BP level. I don't really know what the best move is. So this situation has broken my logic, but I wouldn't know how to go forward with it.

One other issue that I have is that while I've grown up in a city with about 90% white people, I don't really think much of the whole "interracial relationship" idea. Given that Chicago is way less diverse than I originally thought (probably because I don't get south of the Loop too often/ever), I still don't know what most non-Asian girls think. Is it really not that big of a deal? Or is it a BP-type situation? Who's the Asian equivalent? Probably no one. Maybe the guy from Harold and Kumar? Jet Li? What do you think?

Paid Vacation Days!

So today's Memorial Day. As a youngster (high school/early college), this day was always just a day off, and that's it. I never really thought of Armed Services or anything like that. I think it was mainly because I was a little too liberal in the idea that "the army is stupid." Though I don't really do anything to honor troops, they're definitely in my thoughts. I think that mainly comes with having friends in the military/ROTC. So I guess this would a good time to both thank them for their service and a free day off.

Even though it's been a long weekend, I can't really say I've been up to too much. I stayed in both Friday and Sunday night to save cash. Saturday's drinking tour made up for it all, though. It wasn't anything really special. Just started with a friend's rooftop cookout and then carried on through bartime. Yet again, I drank too much to make any decisions concerning meeting girls. The one semi-funny I recall was going up to a girl, taking her hand and leading her to dance at a bar. After about two minutes or so, she just turned around and left. The whole time, I didn't say a single word. So that's got to be deserved then.

For a nightcap, my friend and I tried to go to Wiener's Circle, but it was packed. Instead we hit up a 24 hr diner and bought full meals. No quick appetizer, but a philly cheese steak w/ fries and a chocolate milkshake. Idiot.

As a plus, though, I did not ride my bike home that night. Probably the best decision of the weekend. It would've been instant death.

I just joined the 20Something Bloggers, which seems like a cool group. The only thing I'm unsure about is the site gives my full name. Luckily, I'm not extremely easy to Google, with my common name.

So Casey from the gym (who is actually an insanely sweet girl) doesn't really think that girls would want to be approached while working out, due to the sweatiness. So that kicks out work (too weird), bars (hard to get girls' attention), and the gym (see above). So what've I got next? Any suggestions?

So Many Origins

So I just saw Star Trek with a friend (a dude). Since I know basically nothing except for the few episodes I've ever seen, I think the movie was pretty entertaining. But I'd bet money that hardcore fans are pretty upset. It seems like over the last few years there have been a lot of movies about the origins of characters: Batman, Bond, Wolverine, Star Trek, etc. Has the industry run out of ideas? Or are they just sick of actual sequels? Either way, the results are mixed so at least there are still some good ones out there.


So this weekend was generally uneventful for me. Saturday was my mom's birthday, so I figured I'd surprise her and drive home. On the way, I stopped for a night of debauchery in Madison. Overall, it was a pretty good time. I caught up with some friends and drank for (relatively) cheap. There are still some friends who I used to work with at a bar in Madison, so I stopped by at the end of the night. Though I rarely think of her when I don't see her, I'm always blown away by the beauty of one former coworker. The downside is that I always do/say something stupid around her. The first time I saw her, I sent a Facebook message (yeah, I know) over my phone (even more pathetic) stating the hypothetical question that if she were single and in Chicago, would she go on a date with me. So sad. That's like asking "If I were dying, would you go on a date with me no strings attached?". This time, she mentioned our hypothetical date and I told her how I'd take her on a great one to McDonald's. My drunken self thought I was being funny; She was probably just laughing at my idiocy. Besides that, there's pretty much nothing happening on the girl front for me. I guess I need to try to meet some more.

Nothing special is really coming up this week so I guess I could just kick it.

So even though no one has been commmenting on these questions, I guess I'll still keep asking them: What's your go-to spot for a first date? Always dinner? Movie? Dogfight?

Drinking and Riding

So I'm definitely not the type of person who would drink and drive my car, but I find that I'm constantly drunkenly riding my bike home. At the face of it, it's probably 10 times more dangerous than a car. The clincher is that ridiculous cost savings over a cab, and I get home sooner. I'll have to keep working on that one.

For a while I was stressing out about the girl who I met in Milwaukee. I called a few times and got some feeble text message back. I was talking to Billabout it and he pretty much gave the attitude of "Even if she is interested, who cares? You're barely going to see her." That made sense to me and I'm not too concerned about it anymore. On to bigger and better things...

This past Saturday I went my favorite coffee shop to put a dent in 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. After ordering, I saw a pretty girl sitting at her laptop. She had all of the attractive hipster traits: Dark hair, nice face, leggings with those stirrup things, etc. I felt like I definitely needed to sit near her if I were to get the balls to say anything. We were seated about five feet from each other for at least a half hour. I couldn't help but constantly glance over to see if she'd notice me. She once leaned over to pick up the pen that she dropped and I tried to make contact. I'm not sure what she was thinking, but she looked at me (no smile) on her way up. Now if I were to ask someone what they thought of the situation, there's a chance they would say "well that was good because she dropped her pen on purpose to give an excuse to look over." A clumsy-ass like myself , though, just thinks she dropped it like a normal person.

A little while after the pen-dropping incident she packed up her things and left. I often tell myself things like "If I see her again, I'll totally say something the next time," but I'm really hoping I don't, so I don't have to risk the rejection. I'm always afraid she'll have a boyfriend or think I'm a tool (those have been the big winners for the past lifetime). I'll tell you what, blogworld, though it's very unlikely I will see this girl again, I'll definitely say something, no matter how awkward.

As I've mentioned before, my gym is stacked with beautiful girls. As of late a taller Asian girl has caught my attention. Now even though I would be totally interested in talking to/meeting her, I've yet to say anything and probably won't. But I've been trying to look for some indicator that I should say something. Today we walked right past each other with no one around. I tried to make eye contact (without some ridiculous stare) and got absolutely nothing. Was that just my answer right there? Or doesn't that mean anything?

Still trying to find one

Last weekend I was back in Milwaukee visiting Bill. We were at the usual bar on Saturday night when I talked to a really good looking girl who plays club volleyball. At first I wasn't sure what she was like, but it turned out that she's also smart, which is a big plus for me. She told me that her team was having a drinking event in Chicago (where they play), and I should go. Moments later, this girl told me she need to check up on her friends who were literally right behind her. That was the end of our conversation that night. Needless to say, I was confused as to if she really wanted me to go.

So last night was the event she was talking about. I thought it would be a little bit more obvious to see if she was there, but I had to keep in mind that I kind of forgot what she looked like. I wasn't even sure if I was at the right bar. It wasn't until a friend asked a girl with a wristband if it was for volleyball that it all fell into place. Not only were we at the right event, but one of the girls in the group happened to be the same one I talked to! So we had some on and off conversation during the night. Most of the time when I saw her, a guy was hitting on her, so that was great for me. The fact that I didn't think she really wanted to see me got me kind of down again, but before leaving, I tried talking to her one more time to get her number.

I'm not sure if it was a good idea or not (probably not), but I thought that I should try to at least show some interest to see what she does. So I said something to the effect of "So I think you listen to some pretty good music, and you're kind of nerdy, which I think is hot, so would you want to meet up some time when you come back to Chicago?". She laughed at the line about nerdiness, which I guess could be good, and she seemed excited when she agreed to meet up. I'm sure it's still my low self-confidence, but I just don't really buy it. So we've switched numbers now, but I'm not sure what the next step would be. Since I'm the guy, should I contact her first? Or since she's the one who goes to Chicago, should I wait until she tells me when she'll be there? I'll have to think that one through.


Before you ask a girl for her number, do you have some type of "intro" like I use? What is it? Or do you just ask for the number and leave?

Scenesters and Douches

Scenester

Despite the fact that the company I work for furloughed eight days of pay out of the last two months of 2008, we got Good Friday as a paid vacation day. What I did during the day isn't really worth mentioning. I did turn my bike from fly wheel to fixed gear, and it's harder than I thought it would be. At night, my friend from UK Village (I'll just call him Kumar) and I went to the Crystal Castles show that I'd mentioned. Needless to say, it was packed with scenesters, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. The show itself was good, albeit a little short. To CC's defense, they played probably 10 or so of the 17 songs they actually have. While we were there, Kumar and I talked to a few of the scenesters who were pretty cool. They won points for their love of David Bowie. After the show, Kumar and I told the girl that we were going back to UK Village and they should join. We got the typical "We'll See" and left it at that. Later that night, we went to the local bar and ended up seeing the girls. They were actually there to meet someone else, but we ended up talking for the rest of the night. I ended up trading phone numbers with one of the girls. She wasn't great looking (kind of cute, though), but I'll probably give her a call in the coming weeks.


Douchebags


Saturday led to pretty much nothing happening all day until the nighttime. Kumar was out of town, as well as a different friend, so my only option (though I would've done it anyway) was to go out with some friends in Wrigleyville, the worst neighborhood in the city. I often vocalize my hatred for this neighborhood particularly because it mixes my hatred for the Cubs and my hatred (no, but general dislike) of all the douchebags who walk around wearing Affliction t shirts but miraculously getting girls' attention. So spending time with my two friends (one guy, one girl) is always pretty fun, but I felt like trying to meet some girls who I would actually be attracted to. I feel like most of the girls on Wrigleyville/Lincoln Park may be smart, but they don't really act like it. For the most part, though, they're just Corny White Girls. So for the rest of the night I talked with some halfway hipster girls who were in town from St. Louis to see the Lily Allen show tonight. They were pretty nice, and, as usual, the attractive one had a boyfriend.

So that was my weekend. Not too awesome, but not bad at all.

If you're out meeting girls (or are a girl) what's the first line you generally say/hear? A compliment, or just random (where are you from)? I think I usually go w/ asking where people are from, unless I'm at an event like live music.

Almost a Pretty Good Birthday Weekend

So my birthday's now come and gone. I had somewhat high hopes for the weekend, and it all kind of fizzled out.

I actually did find the balls to invite Rachel from the Store to grab a drink. Like all girls I've asked on any kind of meetup, she gave a "yes" with a built-in loophole. This one was that she was working late at night the night before and had to get up early to work the following morning. Though she'd get off at 730, she may still be tired. Well, I called around 5:30 as I said, got the voicemail (I don't think I've ever spoken to the girl on the first call), and gave the general info. Now, the "I have a lot of work" excuse would be sufficient if Rachel actually did want to visit, but since she never showed up and hasn't called back in four days now, I'm guessing that's the last I'll hear from her. So now I'm most definitely down to zero girls I'm interested in.

I think it's pretty hard to meet girls while in my situation. All the girls in my neighborhood are too cool for me, while all the girls in Lincoln Park are too stupid for me (keep in mind, these are generalizations, but I don't talk to enough girls to find many exceptions). I still find it hard to believe that most guys get shot down all the time, and once they find a girl who likes them, they act like they're batting 1.000.

As of a few weeks ago, I was under the impression that my friend from Milwaukee was going to drive to Chicago for my birthday weekend. Apparently he didn't get the memo. He didn't realize he missed my birthday until three days after, so apparently there was no thought to driving down. The friends I had in town were more than sufficient, though. Only about four of them knew/cared that we were also celebrating my birthday and not just Jane's job-switching drinkfest.

Well at least it's a short week and on Friday I'm going to see Crystal Castles.

So I guess I'll start finishing these posts like Ryan Dodge of the Single-ish Glamour Blog (which is a pretty good one to read. He pretty much asks all the questions regular guys have) by asking a question or comment. This one is from earlier in the post:

When you casually ask a girl out (either alone or in a group) for the first time, how often do they give those "loophole yes's"?

PS That location traffic banner pretty much makes it look like the same 5 or so people are checking this out. I'd appreciate comments on these because I obviously don't know what the hell I'm doing.

My New Celebrity Crush

This is it. The most beautiful girl I've seen in a while (if ever).

I just got done watching Slumdog Millionaire. The movie was quite good, but this girl is gorgeous. Not a lot to say after that, but I hope she's around for a while and can pick up some good roles.


So tomorrow's my birthday. I think my coworkers are happier to say Happy Birthday more than I am. I'm not too excited about it, but that's not a big deal. I asked Jane if she wanted to meet up among my other friends for drinks, but she's leaving my company and taking a different job. So for that, she's having a "Going Away Get Together." I feel like it'll take away all the luster of my birthday, since I'm only inviting about 20% (or less) of the people joining, but whatever. Hopefully it'll still be a good time.

For some reason (probably because I saw her again recently), I've become interested in Rachel from the store again. I've been toying with the idea of stopping by and asking her to join in the Friday night meetup, but I'm still pretty unsure of it. She tried pretty hard to sell me some more stuff after I picked up a shirt, so I think that's all it may be. Still, I'd like to give it a shot. I don't know what the huge downside may be outside of a slight awkwardness when I enter the store for a while (is that so bad?). I've been thinking that I may drop by tomorrow to see if she's there and ask, but I just get so nervous. Maybe I'll try it out, though. I don't know. It would be nice if there she gave me some sort of sign that she was interested, but the lack thereof may be the answer itself. I'll ask someone at work for advice (as usual).

I'll keep you filled in.