Learning From Mistakes

So in the course of trying to get a date, one has successes and failures that shows him that repeating the actions is either a good or bad idea. More often than not, these actions come with a bit of ambiguity. Should you pay a girl a compliment? Should you ask for a first date on a weekday or weekend? Day or night?

But every so often I do something that says "No! Never do that again." This was one of those cases. As I spoke with a friend about New Interest S, I wondered what I should do if/when I get voicemail (I've always gotten voicemail when calling girls for the first time). She said that I was obviously calling to ask for a date and I wouldn't want to just trick her into calling me back, so should just casually ask on the voicemail if it comes up. It seemed like a logical idea at the time.

So now it's over a day later, and I've heard nothing. I imagine that if a girl who wanted to go on a date got the message, then she could find 3 minutes to call me back. Instead, I just induced the most annoying part of dating: being ignored instead of receiving a straight answer. In hindsight, the Voicemail Date was an awful idea. I should have just asked to be called back and if that doesn't work twice, then I'm done.

But really, does it matter? She's going to say no either way. It may be true that I just want my chances with a new girl to last, since I seldomly meet them. In fact, that's probably it, but I'm still not making the same mistake.

What about you? Do you have a certain method for asking someone out? Or do you let your phone go to voicemail when someone calls for the first time?

The First Day of Fall

I can't believe it's the first day of fall.

The pluses:
-Autumn neighborhoods always look great
-I can wear more sweaters/use more of my wardrobe
-Football Season

The minuses:
-Way more unfortunate cold days
-I always seem to have less money around this time of year
-Where did all the girls in skirts go?

Since we had a ridiculously mild summer in Chicago, it almost feels like it's been fall since about July. Either way, it should be a good time.


So as I've insinuated, match.com has not been going swimmingly (sinking-ly?). So far, I've sent out 25 emails to girls. Some of which I've put a good amount of thought into without overdoing it, and other I just threw together but still made congenial. As of today, I've gotten zero replies. I'm not sure what the deal is. I've definitely sent out emails to different types of girls, too. From the dive bar girls to the former sorority girls, they disagree on everything except to show me interest. I just get the feeling that there are A LOT of guys on the site, and if you're an attractive, non-vapid girl, you could go on as many dates as you want. As for an only-funny-in-person-not-online normal guy who's not over 5'10: different story. I'll keep trying with it, but this 3-month subscription can't seem to end soon enough.

On the other hand, I asked the question last post if it's acceptable to stop trying to meet girls in person while being an online dating member. Well my current 0 for 25 streak has forced me to say no, and I went to a party with my friend Jay on Saturday. Of the 30 or so people there, I knew three, so I had my work cut out for me. After a while (and a few beers), I got comfortable enough to make friends with some random guys and girls without my friends around. For the larger portion of the night, though, I had my eye on a girl with pretty brown eyes.

Now I'd like to say that I walked up to her and said a witty comment that immediately got her laughing. Not the case. Instead, I talked to her friend who then introduced me. This girl was a combination of Brazilian and Jewish. Though a unique combination, let me tell you: it produces quite a good looking girl.

So the girl and I talked on and off for the next hour or so. I'll call her S in hopes that I can mention her again. At the end of the night, I asked for her number, which she gave me. Is it strange that she didn't take mine down, but instead just had me call her phone to make the number show?

The only problem of the night was that I'm not the most mysterious/intriguing person. Instead of leaving it at "I'll call you" I said "Yeah, I'll probably call you Saturday." So now that I'm not worried about getting this number (because I have it), the worry is now at if she picks up the phone when I call. Calling girls and not getting replies is the most annoying part of dating to me. Hopefully this works out so I can worry about if she'll cancel on a set date.

Have you ever gotten someone's number but not received a retuned call? Or if you're a girl, have you ever done this? Is it to be polite or to let the guy save face in front of his friends?

Are Dating Sites a Supplement for Bravery?

So I'm about a week into this Match.com deal. There really hasn't been much going on with it. I've sent 9 emails or so, 2 people have read the email, looked at my profile, and then decided to do nothing. So basically, this site has just become a new way for me to get rejected. But there have been two positive outcomes so far:

1)I'm fairly confident that I actually want to meet/date a girl. It's been a pretty long time since I've shared mutual interest in anyone, so at times I would think that I may just want to be noticed. Now I'm fairly certain.

2) I don't just want someone who likes everything that I do. Match.com (as well as, I assume, most dating sites) asks you to describe yourself and the potential date. I once thought that if I could find a girl who likes all the snobby/obscure music/films as me, then our compatibility would be a no brainer. I don't think that's the case anymore. Sure, it'd be funny if she has the same La Dolce Vita poster as I do, but is she funny?



As for the title of this post, I've done absolutely no work trying to meet girls in person, on my own. Does it make sense that I think that if I'm putting in some effort online, then I can slack in real life?

I'm going to keep trying with match, but I should probably put in some effort away from the computer, too. I'm trying to make my friend's pregame party on Saturday, where I'll know only him. Maybe I should try to talk to a girl there.


What are the best and worst ice breakers you've heard?

OK I Joined: how's my profile?

So this last weekend I joined match.com. I know that I didn't wait until Oct. 1, but I felt like it now. As for the site, the cost is pretty low (about $20/month for 3 months). The site is set up pretty well, asking preferences and then finishing with a self-written summary.

Surprisingly for me, there are quite a few girls on the site. So far, I've emailed 3 girls. To stay diligent, I hope to try to email one every day or 2. How much is supposed to be said in these emails? Does anyone know? Mine have been pretty short. Generally, I'd like to say that she seems interesting (refer to part of profile that was interesting), and I'd want to know if she thinks I'm worth the time to respond. Probably not the smoothest things to say.

I get that the site is generally based on being a numbers game (email a lot, get a few back, go on few dates, but still meet someone), but it's annoying that you spend some time emailing someone, but never receive a reply (you see that they've since looked at your profile, also).

So here's my profile summary.


So I'm a Wisconsin guy who's lived here in Chicago for about a year now, and it's great. I like the fact that whatever interests you have (except surfing), the city's got you covered.

I work a regular job as a desk jockey in the suburbs, so I value my free time. Even though I enjoy chilling out and watching a movie, I really like to be out doing something.

For fun, I like to do what everyone else lists here: read, watch movies, listen to music. If you're up for it, we could even get nerdy and talk about math.

As for you...I used to think that I only wanted someone who shared my interests, but that's kind of boring. Though it's true that I'd like someone who likes fitness and Fellini movies as much as me, I'm looking for a little more. Instead, I'd like to find someone who challenges me. That person will introduce me to new thoughts and hobbies, make me think differently, and probably make fun of me a little (I can take a joke pretty well).

If you fit the bill, then we should check it out.


How does it look? Should I add/subtract anything? Would this profile keep you interested?

Revolutionary Road and Other Thoughts

****If you haven't seen the movie Revolutionary Road, you might not want to read this. I'm not sure what I'm going to say****

As the title suggests, I just finished watching Revolutionary Road. Though it's yet another dramatic relationship movie that I get made fun of for (see: Atonement), I thought the movie was quite good. As many have probably heard, the cynical man's point of the story is Don't move to the suburbs. Though this is somewhat legitimate, I doubt it's the meaning. Not all good movies need a message or allegory (see: Star Wars), but I believe that Sam Mendes is trying to convey one. It may just be me, but I think that the acting was too good for the film to be "just a story."

Different guesses for the film's meaning could be that relationships are fragile at all points or only some actions should be spontaneous. One line from the movie popped out at me when the main characters were arguing and Leonardo DiCaprio's character was trying to justify their marriage. Kate Winslet's responds that he's "just some guy who made her laugh at a party." Now this is a tangential idea, but is that all it takes sometimes to get girls' attention?

I know that girls always say that they like funny guys, but I never understood it. I don't understand how someone can be instantly funny. Let's assume I'm considered a funny person (which may or may not be true). If I see a pretty girl who I don't know, should I try to be funny as I meet her? That seems pretty tough. Who can respond to "Be funny. Right now!"? And if I just "acted like myself" as is often the suggestion, there's a really good chance I won't say anything humorous at all.

So these are the things that keep me thinking about girls. I have no idea what I'm doing, and I haven't gone out (at night) for the past few weeks to meet any. Match.com D-Day is arriving, and I've done nothing to work against it.

What do you think about talking up people while they're working (sales associates, baristas, etc.) when they aren't busy? I know I've mentioned this before, but I'd like an opinion. My main problem is that I forget that they're friendly to me because they're paid to be that way. How do I talk to them in another setting, though? Their work might be my only chance.