10 years and Another Weekend

So last Thursday marked ten years since my father died. I had thought about it at the beginning of the week, but ended up completely overlooking it all of Thursday. I'm not sure if that really means anything, but it's kind of hard to completely keep the same feelings for such a long time.

Sure, his absence is one of the most difficult parts of my life, but There have been more years without him than years we really had together. Sometimes I'd have dreams where he would be in them, but they would always turn out for the worse. Either I would realize in my dream that he won't be there when I wake up or I do wake up and then realize that was it. The reason I don't discuss any of it with my family isn't because I'm trying to put up some kind of tough guy facade. Really, I just know they won't have any answers or be able to make me feel any better. So I guess that's just how things will always be for me in that respect.

On a more upbeat note, I've now been doing better for about two weeks now. I haven't had any really negative thoughts and I've stopped worrying too much about what people (read: girls) think of me. My Milwaukee friend, who I'll call Bill, had his birthday on Saturday, so I drove up to meet him. We went out to eat at maybe the best restaurant I've ever been to, Coquette. That's not saying I've been to a ton, though, but it was very good. Afterward, we did the standard act of drinking heavily. Instead of the previous few months where I would drink a lot and then get depressed, I enjoyed myself. I actually ended up talking to a pretty film grad student. At the end of the night, we said our goodbyes with the idea that we likely won't see each other again. In retrospect, I probably should have asked her number anyway, since I've been to MKE every 3-5 weeks. The nice thing right now is that I'm not beating myself up over it as I had done before.

Question: Is it legitimate to be instantly (or make it the tipping point) uninterested in a girl if she says cutesy phrases? Example: Falafel? That sounds yummy...

I'm thinking yes.